


We Are Always Gonna Be Okay

by Iansthugmuffin



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Cheating, Fluff, M/M, slight anst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 11:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2189961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iansthugmuffin/pseuds/Iansthugmuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey man, you okay? You were making some pretty uh weird noises in that dream..” He gave Ian a smirk but got nothing back. He sighed. “Ian.. what happened? please tell me.”<br/>Ian took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at the blue ones in front of him.<br/>“I had a dream…” Mickey let out a light chuckle. “No shit sherlock, what kind of dream huh?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Are Always Gonna Be Okay

_It felt so real. The sweat clinging to his skin, the moans coming from the man beneath him. The man who wasn’t Mickey, wasn’t who he loved, but that didn’t matter- couldn’t matter. It hurt, it hurt everywhere, but he couldn’t stop. He had to do this, to show himself what he deserved. But why did he deserve this? Why did MICKEY deserve this? He didn’t know anymore. But that didn’t matter. He could feel himself getting closer, the pain was getting more intense. He felt tears sliding down his cheeks as he stared down at the head of blonde hair beneath him. He grabbed the man’s dick and began stroking him quickly. It felt wrong, so wrong. But he couldn’t stop, he had to do this. Didn’t know why, but he had to._

_Finally the pain became too much and he let go, it didn’t feel good like it did when he was with Mickey. It didn’t feel like he was flying, it felt like he was crashing over, and over. Finally the pain stopped, and he pulled out. The other man stood back up and gave him a smirk. He said something about how they should ‘do this again sometime’ but Ian didn’t catch it, he couldn’t really hear anything. Everything was becoming muffled, and his vision blurred with tears. Why had he done that? How could he? Mickey didn’t deserve this. They had been happy! Happy until I ruined it, he thought. He remembered now, why he was doing this. Mickey had exposed himself to the world and finally come out, they were going to be happy, ‘but then you had to go screw everything up.’ He did this so Mickey could see how worthless Ian was, how he could do better. So much better. His vision was completely blurred now, as the tears came streaming down his face. The other man must have walked away, he must think Ian is so pathetic. ‘And I am.’_

_But then the alley he had been in is fading away and he’s lying down in darkness, and there’s a warm hand on his back and someone is whispering his name._

**

“Ian?” it comes out as a croaky whisper, but that’s all he can manage at three am in the fucking morning. He’s propped up on one elbow with his other hand rubbing circles on Ian’s back, willing him to wake up from whatever sort of dream he’d been having. He felt Ian’s breath catch and he knew he must have woken up. He wasn’t sure what kind of dream it was, because at first Ian was moaning in pleasure almost, but then he was whimpering and making distressed noises. It only made Mickey worry more, which he tried so hard not to do, he knew Ian could take care of himself. But it was hard.

Finally, Ian rolled over and faced Mickey, his face barely visible in the darkness of the night. But the moon shone bright enough so that Mickey could see the wetness, and sadness in the other boy’s eyes. “Hey man, you okay? You were making some pretty uh weird noises in that dream..” He gave Ian a smirk but got nothing back. He sighed. “Ian.. what happened? please tell me.” Ian took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at the blue ones in front of him. “I had a dream…” Mickey let out a light chuckle. “No shit sherlock, what kind of dream huh?”

Now that his eyes are getting accustomed to the dark he can make out Ian biting his lip before continuing. “You aren’t gonna like it Mick.. it’s… it’s horrible.” Mickey rolled his eyes are rubbed his hand over Ian’s arm before pulling it back. “Look I don’t care how bad it is alright? Just tell me so I can reassure you or some shit and then we can get the fuck back to sleep.” Ian gave him a small smile before taking a breath and talking. “I dreamt that I had sex.” Mickey smirked at him, but it quickly slipped away when Ian continued. “Not with you Mick. I...god I don’t know why I did it. I cheated on you.” The words hit Mickey like a knife, but he reminded himself that it was just a dream. Ian wasn’t in his right mind right now, not really. He would never do that in real life, not after everything they’d been through. Ian had turned and lay back on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “It felt so good at first ya know? Like a bad kind of good, a terrible kind actually. It was like I was trying to forget about you, and what I was doing to you. And it worked at first, but then it was all terrible. I kept thinking of your face, and your moans not his, and your hands, and you you you.” Mickey could tell how much this was hurting Ian to tell him, but he let him go ahead and finish. It would be worse to stop him now. So he too turned and lay on his back.

“When we finally finished, it felt like I was crashing. Like everything was crashing. I had ruined everything, jesus Mickey I had ruined us.” Mickey turned his head and saw more tears steadily running down Ian’s cheeks. He lifted his hand and gently brushed one away. “Hey it’s okay, you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” Ian turned and looked at him, and there was such determination in his eyes, mixed with the sadness. “No, I.. just let me finish. Please.” Mickey nodded and looked back up at the ceiling.

“But then I realized, I already ruined us. I was always ruining us. Always pushing you too far. And then I had to go and lose my mind and now look at me i’m barely functioning. The only reason I am is because you’re here. Every day you’re here, taking care of me. Keeping me alive. But Mick, i’m ruining your life, I am ruining us. I know you feel like you have to walk on eggshells when talking to me, I know you worry. And it’s sweet, it is but fuck I hate it.”

Mickey wanted so badly to tell Ian he was wrong, that he wasn’t ruining them. That Mickey was the happiest he’d ever been, even if it meant being careful with Ian right now. But he didn’t, he knew how this worked, he had to let Ian let it all out. But it was so hard. “I’ve decided and I… I want to go to the clinic.” And fuck if Mickey wasn’t going to contradict that but Ian continued before he could. “And I know what you’ll say, no. But Mick i’m not going to let them take me away. This is a one day visit, I need meds. I need to stop feeling like this. I need to be normal again.” Mickey turned to look at Ian who was looking right back at him. He wasn’t crying anymore, he looked more determined now, confident. Mickey licked his lips before talking. “You sure this is what you want? Shit Ian I can’t stand the thought of you at one of those psych wards.” Ian gave him a soft smile. “I’m sure. And I won’t let them take me away, I promise.” Mickey nodded, and stifled a yawn.

He glanced at the clock and noticed it was now going on four am. “Shit dude we need to go back to sleep, we should try and get there early before they get slammed.” Ian nodded and reached over and squeezed Mickey’s hand before rolling back over. Mickey sighed, and rolled over with Ian, draping his arm around the other boy’s waist. He leant in and said, “Hey Ian?” “hmm..?” Mickey smiled a little at how tired Ian sounded. “If that dream had been real, and you had cheated..” He felt Ian’s whole body tense. But he continued. “I just want you to know that it wouldn’t have ruined us. I wouldn’t have let it.” He felt Ian grip his hand. “We’ll always be okay Ian, we will always be okay.”

**

The next morning Ian woke up to a soft nudging at his shoulder. He slowly blinked awake to find Mickey sitting next to him on the bed, a small smile on his face. “Rise and fuckin shine sleepyhead. We gotta get moving if we want to get to the clinic before they get slammed.” Ian slowly pushed himself to sit up and gave Mickey a quick peck on the lips before stumbling into the bathroom.

He looked at his pale, tired face in the bathroom mirror. This was really happening. They were going to get drugs, maybe he could be normal again. For months he outright refused drugs, but then he remember Monica and how much he didn’t want to end up like her. It was a near miracle when Mickey agreed so easily, so he wondered if maybe Mickey had considered it too. Maybe he was starting to hate this Ian too. When he walked back into his and Mickey’s room he noticed it was only seven thirty. He was more than impressed with Mickey for not only being to get himself up, but also to get Ian up at such an early hour. Well, early for them anyway. Just then Mickey walked back in and handed him a poptart. “C’mon, it’s not too hot out yet so I figured we could walk there and take the L back.” Ian quickly slipped on a pair of pants and a shirt and shoes before following Mickey out the door.

They walked in silence for the first few minutes, still not fully awake to function. But then Mickey broke it. “That was all bullshit by the way.” Ian, genuinely confused by what Mickey was talking about, looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Um what was bullshit exactly?” Mickey stopped for a second before shaking his head and continuing to walk. “That crap you said last night. About how you were ruining us, and how you always pushed me too far.” Ian vaguely remembered saying those things, but he had been so tired. “Oh.” Mickey looked at him with an exasperated look on his face. “Oh? That’s all you got to say?” Ian shrugged. “I don’t know what you want me to say Mick. Do you want me to take it all back? Because i’m not going to.” Mickey pinched his nose and groaned. “Christ Ian! How could you even think that shit? See us here now? Walking talking and generally just hanging out together?” Ian nodded, a little confused at where this was going.

“This wouldn’t have been happening if it wasn’t for you. I mean yeah I was slowly opening up but you are the one who pushed me. And I needed that push Ian, I needed all of them. I don’t regret any of it, except the crap that we had to go through that was neither of our faults.” He took a deep breath before stopping and grabbing Ian’s wrist to stop him too. “Ian you aren’t ruining us okay? I mean fuck this is the happiest i’ve ever been, is here with you. And I don’t care that you have bi-whatever I don’t.” Ian bit back a laugh, because he knew Mickey knew what it was called, he knew he’d spent hours doing research. Ian looked at Mickey and gave him a small smile. “Okay.” Mickey let out a breath. “Okay. So you aren’t going to be saying that shit again right?” Ian looked at him for a moment before answering. “Right.” Mickey just nodded and continued walking towards the clinic, with Ian right beside him brushing their shoulders together every few steps.

**

They had been sitting here for forty five god damned minutes. Ian had already filled out all the paperwork and turned it in at least twenty minutes ago. Mickey let out an annoyed huff. “What the fuck is taking so long? I swear i’ve seen two people go in who got here after us.” He looked over at Ian who simply gave him an apologetic look.

Mickey leaned his head back against the wall deciding maybe to get a few minutes of sleep in but he noticed Ian first. The kid had his hands clenched in his lap, his fingers fiddling with each other. A far away look in his eyes, and he was biting his lip. He was a fuckin stress ball. The next thing Mickey did, shocked even himself a little bit. Without even turning to look at him, Mickey took his left hand and laced it with Ian’s right, and gently rubbed his thumb over the back of Ian’s hand.

He finally chanced a look at Ian’s face and it was worth it. He had an awestruck look on his face like Mickey had just solved all world problems or some shit when really all he’d done was hold Ian’s hand; for the first time. Mickey quickly schooled his face before too much of his happiness seeped through. “Yeah yeah, shut up Gallagher.” Ian smiled, “Didn’t say anything Mick.” “Didn’t need to.” Mickey looked back over at him and smirked. “Look Ian you don’t need to worry. Like I said last night it’s gonna be okay, we are always going to be okay.” And for once he believed it too. Because he was holding hands with the person he loved, and no matter what happened next good, or bad.

They would be together, so it was going to be okay.

 **

 

~~[My tumblr](http://iansthugmuffin.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> So someone on tumblr had posted something about how the spoiler about Ian POSSIBLY cheating on Mickey could have maybe been one of the dream sequences in s5. While I really doubt this will happen in canon, I liked the idea so this happened.
> 
> Now i'm going to go back to being incredibly optimistic that the cheating thing won't happen hahaaa


End file.
